BGP: Whats Next? My Love Life: The Ongoing Struggle of a Black Woman

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Malcolm X was not lying when he said that the most disrespected person in America is the black woman. When it comes to dating, everyone is checking for the girl who looks black, but no one wants the girl who is actually black. Growing up, I knew being a black woman in today’s society would be hard. I knew being an educated black woman would be even harder. But one thing I didn’t think my race would effect and that is my love life.

According to statistics, since I am an educated black women who’s entering the professional world in a few months, I will not be married. My education and my race have now determined that I am unapproachable and will be alone for the rest of my life. The more educated I am, the less chance of marriage I have.

This is the unfortunate problem of a college black girl.

Black girls who are looking for potential colleges, or like me about to graduate in a few months, have to face the potential life of being alone with no partner.

It’s bad enough that according to a recent census, black women as a race are the least swiped on dating apps, we have the highest HIV rates and usually will never date outside our race because we are deemed “unattractive.”

Being a black women in the United States is extremely hard, tiring, and unfair.

But all hope is not lost, because as we can see throughout history that black women will continue to prevail, but we have to care for ourselves first. Black women have taken care of everyone else around them for centuries and never put their health nor education first.

Black female millennials must break the cycle. We must care for our health more that prior generations, educate ourselves, and protect ourselves. We must understand that being educated should not be the reason we do not marry. We should not live to please a man or woman. We live for ourselves, it is society who needs to change their views on us. We are perfect and divine the way we are. We are gorgeous, flawless and the epitome of strength. How dare we allow a dating app to deem our worth? I chuckle as I write this… the fact that men are able to decide who is worthy and not worthy shows that society still has a long way to go until the world isn’t viewed only through a man’s eyes.

Corey Townsend, author of Grown-ish Explores the Truths of Dating as a Black Woman ,  speaks on the difficulty black women face in the dating world. Especially in regards to white women displaying “black women” features.

“This hierarchy exalts the features of black women but disregards them as actual people. Whereas the Kardashians and Jenners are praised for their high-priced plastic used to emulate Nubian features, they give people the opportunity to “date black” without actually dating black. The men don’t have to put in the work, and we know that men can be lazy and do not like to put in work when it comes to relationships.”

Along with that, black women are historically judged based on extreme stereotypes rather than being assessed as individuals. Let’s face it—when a black woman points something out, it is blown out of proportion and they are labeled as overreacting. When a less-melanated person does it, it’s praised and accepted with open arms and kumbayas.

This article was not written to scare you. It was written with love and concern, it was written as a warning to take heed. It was written to make other Black women aware of the war that is happening against us. A war we will lose if we don’t put ourselves first. I’m afraid too, but I have to use that fear for good and not for evil.

Do the same.

“I have come to understand and listen to the fear.” – Tracee Ellis Ross

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Dnysha Cook
Dnysha is a third year New England College student pursing a a Bachelor's Degree in Communications. She is a very active member of the NEC community whether she's hosting events, working as an RA, or organizing functions for Amazing Minority Girls Unite where she works as club President. She has been involved with The New Englander for several years as Social Media Editor and currently writes a column entitled, Black Girl Problems. Dnysha will be graduating in Spring 2019.

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