Black Girl Problems Special Edition: Dating in College and Rejection

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When I first started my column, my first published piece was about interracial dating here at New England College. That was roughly 7 months ago, and I can tell nothing has changed. So when I was looking for a topic to do my last column on for this school, I thought to myself, “Why not put a spin on an oldie but goodie”. It is obviously clear that NEC is growing in the diversity amongst other campuses in New Hampshire. We’ve been recognized by TIMES magazine. But still, why aren’t Black girls prospering in the dating field here.

Yes, our school is diverse, but if you take a look around campus. You don’t see the two races mixing and mingling. To my knowledge, this campus has had only one open interracial couple. (They don’t date anymore, wonder why? )

But let’s be clear, my argument isn’t that women of color should be forced on white guys or any guys for that matter. But this is college, a place to experience new things, to fall in and out of love with ideas. So why isn’t that happening? So many potential lovers walk pass each other every single day. As I sit in Simon I watch witty black girls and charming white guys talk, interact but then say bye. As if that spark didn’t happen. I asked my guy friend who so happens to be white on his opinion of interracial dating and most of all his black girls. I can tell he was nervous because he didn’t want to offend me but I made it clear he wouldn’t. “DeeDee there isn’t anything wrong with black girls, I mean I wouldn’t date one seriously, I’ll just do it for the experience”. As his words struck me, it hit me. Black girls are seen as an experiment, an experience to be had. You didn’t have the full college experience unless you dated a black girl right? Well no, that’s not what our mothers raised us to be. We aren’t good times, we aren’t some fantasy you’re trying to achieve. We are not a phase.

We are for infinity. As we should be, naturally.

I’ve been told on multiple occasions “DeeDee you’re so amazing, your a second year, why don’t you have a boyfriend?”. My go to excuse is “I’m busy you know, just focusing on school”, then I’ll naturally shift my eyes. This was a lie. A flat out lie, I’d love to hang out with the opposite sex, I’m never too busy to communicate. But when the majority of black guys are in a relationship, and the white guys think you’re an experiment. What can a Black girl honestly do?

Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

No one ever wants to own up to being rejected because of their skin tone. By not speaking on it, my friends and I have fallen victim to society rules. As usual, they win every time.

What is a Black girl supposed to do?

When I walk around campus, I feel envious when I see a white girl and black guy. That’s the norm in these modern times. That’s nothing new. But it’s so easy for a white girl to be seen with a black guy, they’re almost like magnets. Come in contact and BOOM. Why were white women considered to be acceptable partners, but black women were not? In latest statistics, as of now, the most common relationship is a white woman and black man. And I’m over here struggling for a text back.

So my approach to this situation last time was to take charge and go after your dream Tom Cruise when he played in the Outsiders. Now I have a different solution. Don’t even bother. There is no reason we should be labeled a good time, or an experience needed. We are amazing witty, charismatic and have a glow that no other race can come close to. Amanda Bennett from the University of Alabama had a few touching words to say on this subject, “So for all the black girls who have ever pined for a white boy, only to be degraded or denied the opportunity to have a respectful and public relationship, I can say only one thing: it’s not your fault. It’s never been your fault. You aren’t any less of a human being or a woman because you were rejected as a result of your color, and you shouldn’t internalize that rejection as a sign of your inferiority. You are enough as you are, and you shouldn’t seek external validation from a society that was never meant to accommodate you anyway. And all we can do now is interrogate the ways that black and white people interact with each other in order to understand how implicit biases express themselves as overt racism or prejudice”.
So enjoy college, even if it is just with your friends. It’s a beautiful experience that should be remembered vigorously.

 

When I first started my column, my first published piece was about interracial dating here at New England College. That was roughly 7 months ago, and I can tell nothing has changed. So when I was looking for a topic to do my last column on for this school, I thought to myself, “Why not put a spin on an oldie but goodie”. It is obviously clear that NEC is growing in the diversity amongst other campuses in New Hampshire. We’ve been recognized by TIMES magazine. But still, why aren’t Black girls prospering in the dating field here.

Yes, our school is diverse, but if you take a look around campus. You don’t see the two races mixing and mingling. To my knowledge, this campus has had only one open interracial couple. (They don’t date anymore, wonder why? )

But let’s be clear, my argument isn’t that women of color should be forced on white guys or any guys for that matter. But this is college, a place to experience new things, to fall in and out of love with ideas. So why isn’t that happening? So many potential lovers walk pass each other every single day. As I sit in Simon I watch witty black girls and charming white guys talk, interact but then say bye. As if that spark didn’t happen. I asked my guy friend who so happens to be white on his opinion of interracial dating and most of all his black girls. I can tell he was nervous because he didn’t want to offend me but I made it clear he wouldn’t. “DeeDee there isn’t anything wrong with black girls, I mean I wouldn’t date one seriously, I’ll just do it for the experience”. As his words struck me, it hit me. Black girls are seen as an experiment, an experience to be had. You didn’t have the full college experience unless you dated a black girl right? Well no, that’s not what our mothers raised us to be. We aren’t good times, we aren’t some fantasy you’re trying to achieve. We are not a phase.

We are for infinity. As we should be, naturally.

I’ve been told on multiple occasions “DeeDee you’re so amazing, your a second year, why don’t you have a boyfriend?”. My go to excuse is “I’m busy you know, just focusing on school”, then I’ll naturally shift my eyes. This was a lie. A flat out lie, I’d love to hang out with the opposite sex, I’m never too busy to communicate. But when the majority of black guys are in a relationship, and the white guys think you’re an experiment. What can a Black girl honestly do?

Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

No one ever wants to own up to being rejected because of their skin tone. By not speaking on it, my friends and I have fallen victim to society rules. As usual, they win every time.

What is a Black girl supposed to do?

When I walk around campus, I feel envious when I see a white girl and black guy. That’s the norm in these modern times. That’s nothing new. But it’s so easy for a white girl to be seen with a black guy, they’re almost like magnets. Come in contact and BOOM. Why were white women considered to be acceptable partners, but black women were not? In latest statistics, as of now, the most common relationship is a white woman and black man. And I’m over here struggling for a text back.

So my approach to this situation last time was to take charge and go after your dream Tom Cruise when he played in the Outsiders. Now I have a different solution. Don’t even bother. There is no reason we should be labeled a good time, or an experience needed. We are amazing witty, charismatic and have a glow that no other race can come close to. Amanda Bennett from the University of Alabama had a few touching words to say on this subject, “So for all the black girls who have ever pined for a white boy, only to be degraded or denied the opportunity to have a respectful and public relationship, I can say only one thing: it’s not your fault. It’s never been your fault. You aren’t any less of a human being or a woman because you were rejected as a result of your color, and you shouldn’t internalize that rejection as a sign of your inferiority. You are enough as you are, and you shouldn’t seek external validation from a society that was never meant to accommodate you anyway. And all we can do now is interrogate the ways that black and white people interact with each other in order to understand how implicit biases express themselves as overt racism or prejudice”.
So enjoy college, even if it is just with your friends. It’s a beautiful experience that should be remembered vigorously.

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Dnysha is a third year New England College student pursing a a Bachelor's Degree in Communications. She is a very active member of the NEC community whether she's hosting events, working as an RA, or organizing functions for Amazing Minority Girls Unite where she works as club President. She has been involved with The New Englander for several years as Social Media Editor and currently writes a column entitled, Black Girl Problems. Dnysha will be graduating in Spring 2019.
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